This post is part of an ongoing series where I reflect on my life as a caregiver for the love of my life Geraldine E Vigna, she died on 12/27/2012. It also includes stories about life after her death.
The 4th Day of my new Journey landed on a beautiful sunny Sunday in Tucson. I have finally begun to play catch-up with my sleep and slept in till around noon. I crashed at 2 am in the morning, that’s a solid 10 hours of sleep. If I do this for another year or so I might pull even with the sleep that I need on a regular basis to be healthy. Maybe!
It’s truly amazing what one can accomplish with so little regular sleep over an extended period of time. But lack of sleep also plays an extremely negative role in our health. I experienced this as a caregiver and as a family member of someone who is ill.
For the last three years of Geri’s life she was sleep deprived. The effects of medicine or the need to take medicine broke up Geri’s sleep patterns on a daily basis. It was reason to celebrate if she was able to sleep through the night. I often would find her awake at 2:00 am working on art projects. She got up to pee or take meds and could not get back to sleep.
We lived in a small home and disruptive sleep patterns affected both of us negatively. So for me, 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep was a blessing indeed. I allowed me to dream and dream and dream, something that I needed.
My goal today was to attend the drum circle that meets at Himmel Park ever Sunday afternoon. So it was that I eventually got headed that direction. Now, let me explain something here. Just getting ready and out the door is a big issue for me right now.
Yes, I want to leave my home and be amongst other people. But that doesn’t make the process is any easier emotionally. Everything that I do these days is a new experience that I am completing sans Geri. There is no discussions about when I will be leaving or returning. There are no conversations about where I am going and what I will be doing. There is no one to ask if they will like to come along. There is anyone there to ask “Can I get you anything while I am out?” I no longer have a world of two as it has shrunk to a world of one, which is me. That’s a lot tougher than you might imagine.
I had considered riding my bicycle over to the event but concluded that it was too windy. I also didn’t want to have to bike home if things got too emotional for me there or along the way. Thus, I opted to drive.
What I wasn’t aware of that there was another event at the park this day. Apparently, there was a Food Truck Round-up in the area of the drum circle. However, by the time I got there the trucks were all closed up so I didn’t get to sample the food offerings.
When I arrive around 4 pm the circle included about a dozen people. They played on for another hour or so before taking a break. I joined in the activities by dancing of to the side of the circle. It was great to allow my spirit to soar with the constant drum beat.
My spirit hasn’t had much to soar about so the music and dance where a real pressure release for me. I was pleased with myself that I determined to get involved with drum circles and I was actually becoming involved.
I have observed throughout life that those involved in drumming tended to be very spiritual people. I need, want, and desire to be around these kinds of people. While there I talked with a woman Robyn for a long time about her death experiences. I had met her at the Meetup Drum Circle sing along the previous evening. Her husband of 38 years had died three years previously.
Robyn shared wonderful insights about the healing process. She encouraged me to join Grief Support group and that’s what I have been doing today. There are several groups nearby which I will be attending soon.
What say you?
Too be continued…I also invite you to visit my home page to learn more about House Cleaning Tucson.
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