This post is part of an ongoing series where I reflect on my life as a caregiver for the love of my life Geraldine E Vigna, she died on 12/27/2012. It also includes stories about my life after her death and others observations.
I have created what I call Urban’s New Journey. The idea here is to get off of my apartment at least once a day and to also get out of my head in the process. I am doing things that I have wanted to do for a long time and as a caregiver I was not able to accomplish.
I am also taking on new topics and activities as a way to meet new people. You see ,Geri was my only friend, as long as I had Geri I didn’t need anyone else. Well, when she died I lost my only friend. So I am making a daily effort to modify this portion of my life. And relationship are being birthed on a regular basis. Then I blog about my experiences so that others might benefit from them. It’s working for me and I hope that it will work for you as well.
Living Beyond Death Day 15 (02-25-2013)
I started Urban’s New Journey on Valentines Day of this year with getting a haircut. That may not seem like much of a big deal until you consider this. Geri, was a hair stylist and she is the only one to have touched my locks in 12 years. So any ordinary event becomes an extraordinary for me. Well, a lot has occurred since that day. And today, is another one of those days that marks an important step forward on my new journey. Geri would have been 57 on the 28th so there is a lot of emotion tied up with this date for me.
I had been dreading this day every since her death. I just didn’t know how I would react. Then Sunday Geri returned to me in spirit during a Sweat Lodge event and everything has changed for me. Peace was restored into my soul and being that night. I still get emotional from time to time and that’s ok with me. What doesn’t occur is what is important. I no longer am overwhelmed with grief and despair, I simply reflect back on how things ended her her and for myself.
The last words that she spoke to me in the hospice where “I Love You.” I was also their when she took her last breath and I held her hand as her pulse drifted away. Even now, I get emotional thinking about that loss. But I soon turn my emotions to happiness and joy. I was and am blessed to have experienced these events. It was an honor. So instead of being sad my thoughts turn to the joy of experiencing that which few others get the opportunity to do. I would have been crushed if I had not been there when she moved into another world.
One of the most important things that I want to accomplish after Geri’s death is to find the quickest path to happiness. And after my Sweat Lodge experience I have found that comfort. I am making it a point to rejoice in her death as she is in a better place than I find myself in now. Heck, her doctor gave her 3 months to live in March of 2010 and she lasted almost another 3 years. And until September of 2012 she was experiencing a fairly product life.
I had thought about getting out of town today to go on some kind of hike as a form of a spiritual journey to remember her. But I opted instead to go to a grief support group at St. Joe’s Hospital here in Tucson. I live close by so this seemed like a really good thing. The idea was that maybe my stories would help others bound by grief and maybe I could learn from them.
It quickly became apparent that this small group of survivors were a really hurting lot. We all took turns sharing our grief so it was odd when I discussed joy and the power of blogging and affirmations. I was a little surprised when I got some questions about affirmations. I had wrongly assumed that everyone knew what an affirmation is.
I so wanted to be able to make a positive change in these people lives.
What say you?
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