This post is part of an ongoing series where I reflect on my life as a caregiver for the love of my life Geraldine E Vigna, she died on 12/27/2012. It also includes stories about my life after her death and others observations.
I have created what I call Urban’s New Journey. The idea here is to get off of my apartment at least once a day and to also get out of my head in the process. I am doing things that I have wanted to do for a long time and as a caregiver I was not able to accomplish.
I am also taking on new topics and activities as a way to meet new people. You see ,Geri was my only friend, as long as I had Geri I didn’t need anyone else. Well, when she died I lost my only friend. So I am making a daily effort to modify this portion of my life. And relationship are being birthed on a regular basis. Then I blog about my experiences so that others might benefit from them. It’s working for me and I hope that it will work for you as well.
Living Beyond Death Day 10 Part 2
The evening portion of my day would turn out to be a life changing event for me. I attended my first Sweat Lodge ceremony. The location was out in Avra Valley and I got a bit of a late start as I didn’t realize how far it was. As it turned out I didn’t need to fret as the ceremony was delayed to allow late comers to participate.
I was a bit apprehensive in the beginning. I was in a chatty mood as others were preparing for the spiritual journey. I thought I might be creating bad Karma so I became quiet and attempted to focus on the spiritual journey. And a journey it would be for me.
I have spoken to many people about Geri’s death lately. Most people indicated that they still felt the presence of their deceased family members. However, I could not make that same connection and I felt cheated. All suggested that I was likely the one getting in the way here. I was seeking to solve this mystery I wanted to reconnect with Geri’s spirit.
Now, if you come from a tradition religious background you will likely think I’m crazy or this is off the devil. The truth was I didn’t care what others think of me in this situation. I was here for healing, to connect with Geraldine, and to find the purpose in my life.
After everyone is in the lodge the ceremony begins. Someone from outside the lodge brings in what are known as the stone people. The Shaman sprinkles various herbs onto the super heated stones. This is followed up with water being thrown onto the stone people. This produces the steam which brings forth sweating big time.
Then the group begins drumming, chanting, using rattles, and flutes to create a joyous noise. This process was repeated four times. It was during the second session that I had a profound life changing experience.
A spirit left the stone people and entered my everything that I call me. As this was occurring I recognized this was the spirit of Geraldine returning to me. I immediately spoke and said “hell-o Geraldine.” At this point I was made whole again. The void that Geri left behind in my soul was again now occupied by Geri. I felt that I was now back in balance.
During the third session I began to chanting by simply making an “o” sound. I found myself questioning why I would be making such as sound. Geri let me know that an “o” is a complete circle. And that we were now reunited in spirit. That made lots of sense to me.
During this session I also had a vision of a wolf. I reacted negatively to the vision and it disappeared immediately. I had been taught previously that dogs and or wolfs in dreams was a bad thing, thus my fear. However, I have later learned that the wolf may come as a teacher. I really think that I might have missed something here. So I will be back seeking more answers at a later date.
Now, for most of you might be thinking that I am crazy and that’s ok with me. I am simply sharing my experience then and now. Since the sweat lodge the sorry in my heart was been replaced by joy. I was in turmoil and now I have peace.
After, the ceremony some of stayed together to break bread and to chat about our experiences. The Shaman, Ann Marie, noted that I looked a lot different than when I arrived. So my outward demeanor was reflecting the inner peace that I was experiencing.
I am writing this 5 days later and this peace is still my constant companion.
What say you?
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